How to Offer Condolences: Dos and Don’ts

The right words and actions to comfort the bereaved

Knowing what to say when someone has lost a loved one can be difficult. You don’t want to say the wrong thing — but staying silent can feel just as awkward. Offering condolences is one of the simplest, most human things we can do — and it can mean the world to someone in grief.

Here are some dos and don’ts to help you offer comfort with kindness and care.

✅ DO: Keep it Simple and Sincere

You don’t need to be poetic or profound. A short, heartfelt message is enough.

“I’m so sorry for your loss.”
“Thinking of you and your family during this time.”
“[Name] was such a special person. They’ll be missed.”

✅ DO: Share a Memory (if appropriate)

If you knew the person who passed away, share a small memory or something you admired about them. It helps the family know their loved one was appreciated by others.

“I’ll never forget her warm smile at school pick-up every afternoon.”

✅ DO: Offer Practical Help

People who are grieving are often overwhelmed. A specific offer of help is far more useful than “Let me know if you need anything.”

“I can bring a meal over this week — would Tuesday suit?”

❌ DON’T: Try to 'Fix' the Grief

Avoid clichés like “They’re in a better place” or “At least they lived a long life.” These comments may be well-intended, but they often come off as dismissive.

❌ DON’T: Make it About You

Try not to turn the moment into a story about your own experience with loss. Keep the focus on the person who is grieving.

❌ DON’T: Disappear After the Funeral

Grief doesn’t end after the service. Check in later — a message a few weeks down the track can mean just as much as one sent straight away.

Final Thoughts

When offering condolences, you don’t need to have the perfect words — just genuine ones. A kind message, a warm hug, or a simple “I’m here for you” can bring enormous comfort in a time of sorrow.